Michael Lodge, NCPM
Nationally Certified Professional Mediator
Lodge & Co.
Over the past few months I have spent some time about the communication process as individuals try and co-parent during the time of separation and divorce. It is not an easy job and that is why communication is so very important.
Co-parenting is the process of sharing parenting time and responsibilities. It is where you are to work together and communicate on a regular basis to continue parenting together, even though you are no longer married. But the responsibility of taking care of these children is huge and the way you communicate is vital to the growth of these children in the co-parenting process.
Now you could not stay together for a various amount of reason, and one of these reason is that you had difficulty communicating while you were married. However, you are separated now., and may even be divorced and all of what happened in the marriage changes because how you are only focused on the children's needs, not your needs. Now what was said in the past, or done in the past, it is now only about being a co-parent and fulfilling the role as mom and dad.
Never think you both are ever going to be in synch. You were not in synch when you were married, so you are not going to change out of marriage. But, you can focus on the needs of the children. Being a healthy co-parent means you are focused on the kids. It is part of the ongoing commitment you and your ex have made when you became parents to your kids. It requires empathy, patience, honesty, and open communication.
The important rule is that what you guys did in your marriage is no longer relevant. We are not going to do the blame game because it took two of you to make the kids and the two of you to tear down a marriage. To be blunt about it! Your only focus now is the kids Not your hurt feelings, not your Manley hood, it is about the children that you brought into this world and to provide them with a family life after the separation or divorce. That is why I love the saying that says, "Adults divorce - families never do". Remember that, because this is going to be your reminder that the children's lives through your actions as co-parents really matter.
In the next few blogs we will talk about:
1. Setting clear boundaries and basis parenting agreements
2. Open dialogue between you and the Children's other parent
3. Being adult and having consistent rules in both homes
4. Creating a parenting schedule
5. Being flexible
6. Mutual respect
7. Keeping your emails and texts 25 words or less
Along the way as we go through this, if you have any questions send them to: firstname.lastname@example.org
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Michael Lodge is a Nationally Certified Professional Mediator specializing in business disputes, as well as family conflicts. He has written three books and hosts an international podcast on IHeartRadio and other podcast media stations.