Asking Questions and Listening

Michael Lodge, NCPM - Nationally Certified Mediator and Business Advisor.  www.lodge-co.com

Many times people come into my office and are in trouble.  When you sit down with someone that is in trouble, we tend to want to do all the talking, but in fact they need to talk.  The best way to get their emotional breath out, is to listen.  Ask open ended questions.  Listen.  Not to talk, talk, talk, but to ask an open ended questions to allow them to go in any direction they would like.  You have to listen, don't just come up with a whole bunch of your talk, you instead must listen.  Your talk isn't going to help that person at that moment.  Ask, hey tell me what's on your mind and then shut up and listen.  Then you ask, what else?  And they talk some more, they are taking their emotional breath.  Then you say, tell me more.  They are taking an emotional breath to heal.  Once you allow them to speak you can get them to focus on what actually needs to be focused on to resolve the issue.  That emotional breath allows them to get all of their emotions out to be able to focus on the issue to resolve.  Read the book, "The Coaching Habit".  It is a great book.  

A part of the job of a mediator is to listen.  And there are times that you spend a bit of time on the healing process in resolving disputes and conflicts.  Often we feel we need to talk, talk, talk, with all of our so called wisdom.  But the best wisdom is to listen.  Let them heal through their talking.  To coach a person through a difficult situation you have to listen.  Remember the term, "emotional breath", let them talk and listen.