Blog Posts - Lodge & Co.

The Parenting Agreement

10/2/2020

Michael Lodge, NCPM, CRTP - Nationally Certified Professional Mediator - www.lodge-co.com

Over the last three weeks I have been contacted by new clients wanting to negotiate a separation agreement or re-negotiate the agreement when it pertains to child care and parenting agreements. And some did not understand what they were signing and want help understanding what they signed and maybe change it slightly. Perhaps, people sat around not doing anything during Covid and came up with new wants because they had time to think about it. Maybe not so good.

The other issue is that some have decided that they want out of the marriage. So separation and parenting agreements are needed, to set up some rules during the separation. Some parents come into the mediation session with me steaming mad and other come in with a real desire to set up some rules for the parents to go by during their separation. I like those kinds of parents.

You would be surprised of the role of the Mediator in a parenting planning, the mediator becomes the educator. The mediator focuses on the needs of both the parents and the children. One part of this is to educate the clients about their new parent roles. In my sessions, I share my expertise with the clients, acting sometimes as a mediator and sometimes as an educator, but always in a way that helps the clients stay in charge of their decisions.

As a mediator I can be helpful as an educator to the parents about the future developmental needs of their children. I will share relevant information in general terms but no in a therapeutic way. In fact I have told parents I have not their therapist. Children at each age group have different responses to separation and divorce and different needs from their parents. It is important that a mediator knows this information so that the education process of the mediation means something to the parent(s).

Mediators can make a positive impact in working through the separation, parenting agreements, and through to the divorce. If everyone understands the rules and lives by them, the process is no longer just a process it is a meaningful way to help the children cope with the whole experience. It helps the parents to. Sometimes, even after the divorce, the parenting agreements needs to be revisited.

A great quote that I have found is, "Husbands and wives divorce but family's never do".

If you are going through a separation and need to sit with a mediator to help you, contact my office at: 305.824.2963

What Are Your Responsibilities As An Executor Of An Estate?

9/18/2020

Michael Lodge, NCPM, CRTP - Nationally Certified Professional Mediator - www.lodge-co.com - Ph: 305.824.2963

Over the last three years I have been working as the executor of my Mom's estate and I also do mediation on estates with families. If you are the executor, you have some responsibilities. Now this may vary from state to state, but is pretty standard in the United States. This is not a legal opinion or advice, it is just some of the rules that you have as an executor of an estate. If you are having issues on the division of assets within the family, call in a mediator that can help you through the process. Please consult with the family attorney on understanding the language of the will.

The executor or personal representative of a will is responsible for wrapping up the estate's affairs according to the will's instructions. After someone dies, the executor becomes responsible for the estate, and usually must report to the probate court. You can expect the executor to file the will with the court, manage the estate's assets, pay the estate's bills and distribute the remaining estate assets to the beneficiaries.

Filing the Will

The executor's first step is usually to file a copy of the will with the probate court. This action opens the probate process. Along with the will, the executor may file a petition for letters testamentary, which is an official court document that gives the executor the power to speak directly to the estate's creditors, handle the estate's bank accounts and take similar actions necessary to probate the estate, according to the American Bar Association.

Inventory the Estate
In order to fulfill his duties to pay creditors and distribute the estate, the executor is required to inventory the estate to determine the amount of assets it has, according to FindLaw. In most states, the executor is required to file a copy of the inventory with the probate court and to give copies of the inventory to the beneficiaries. The executor may hire professionals like an accountant, attorney or appraiser to help him determine the value of the estate's assets, if necessary, and may pay for the professionals' help with the estate's assets.

Pay the Estate's Debts
The executor is also responsible for paying any outstanding bills or debts the estate has. In order to do this, the executor is expected to contact any known creditors and also to notify any unknown creditors by placing an ad in the newspaper or by whichever other means the state's probate laws permit, according to FindLaw. State probate laws typically give creditors a certain time limit in which to present their bills to the estate. The executor must wait out this time limit to ensure all bills have reached the estate before proceeding to distribute the estate's assets. The executor must also settle the estate's final tax matters, and may hire an accountant at the estate's expense to do so.

Distribute the Estate's Assets
Once all the bills are paid, the executor must distribute the estate's assets according to the rules laid out in the will. Distributing assets may include giving particular items, like furniture and jewelry, to specific people named in the will. It may also involve giving certain amounts in cash to certain people or charities named in the will. In order to distribute the estate's assets according to the will's requirements, the executor may liquidate certain assets, like stock, if necessary, according to FindLaw.

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FINAL NOTE: The executor or personal representative of a will is responsible for wrapping up the estate's affairs according to the will's instructions. After someone dies, the executor becomes responsible for the estate, and usually must report to the probate court. You can expect the executor to file the will with the court, manage the estate's assets, pay the estate's bills and distribute the remaining estate assets to the beneficiaries.

How The Pandemic Has Increased Mediation

9/17/2020

Michael Lodge, NCPM, CRTP - Nationally Certified Professional Mediator - www.lodge-co.com - Ph. 350.824.2963

During the lock down of Covid, my office was really silent for about two months. Then, all of a sudden people decided to mediate and they found out they could do it virtually and got results. This article is about how the Pandemic has created more mediation cases to be heard. This is a good read on mediation and arbitration.

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The COVID-19 pandemic wiped out our workouts. It disrupted our dinners. It squashed our social life. Now, it’s likely to trim the number of trials our legal system sees. To further prevent the spread of COVID-19, Maricopa County Superior Court issued an order that steers certain litigants away from jury trials in favor of mediation and arbitration, which is a fairly big deal if you’re facing a business dispute.

“It is not so much the kind of jury trial, but rather the posture of the case that will drive the diversions to mediation and arbitration,” says Gary Smith, manager at Guidant Law Firm. “Cases will go through a triage of sorts. Mediation will be encouraged for cases more susceptible to settle. Arbitration will be encouraged for smaller-dollar, simpler-issue or lower-risk matters. No one will be forced to give up a jury trial if they prefer it and are otherwise entitled.”  According to legal experts, there is one major advantage to taking your business dispute to mediation or arbitration instead of a jury trial.“In one word, speed,” says Wendi Sorensen, shareholder at Burch & Cracchiolo. “Opting for mediation or arbitration instead of a jury trial will likely bring your matter to a close much sooner than awaiting trial.” Experts say the coronavirus has severely affected our court system, due largely to the need to socially distance, and the effect that has on the ability to appear in person and to impanel a jury.

“Although some courts have tried options involving Zoom–type trials, the results have been mixed, and parties involved in litigation are hesitating to stipulate to this option,” Sorensen says. “Once we are able to safely resume in-person appearances, criminal matters will take priority due to the constitutional right to a speedy trial. Therefore, we expect it will be at least a year before trials are able to resume.”

What’s involved in mediation and arbitration?
When it comes to a business dispute, Smith says mediation is the parties’ opportunity to write their own outcome.  “It is a negotiated settlement facilitated by a mediator,” he says. “The mediator makes no decisions or rulings, and is there strictly to help the parties communicate and help in the architecture of settlement.”

According to Smith, mediation succeeds when these stars align:
• The parties know what they need — not what they want
• Are ready to be done with the dispute
• Can accept not having all of their questions answered
• Are willing to compromise
• Logic overrules emotion

“That does not mean mediation is easy or pleasant,” Smith says. “It is a lot of work and long days.”  Arbitration, by contrast, substitutes a traditional judge with a privately hired arbitrator.  “It often replaces court rules for other rules, and offers flexibility as to time and place for the arbitration hearing,” Smith says. “In many ways, arbitration mirrors court. However, the arbitrator can be selected using criteria such as subject matter knowledge.”

Because you are buying their time, an arbitrator will have as much time for your case as you want, which is in stark contrast with Superior Court, where judges carry hundreds of cases.  “Arbitration is the antithesis of mediation,” Smith says. “It is a ‘day in court.’ It requires fastidious preparation and deep focus on discrete issues. Arbitration’s strong suits are ‘faster and final,’ as there is effectively no appeal from arbitration. Parties have to show up like it’s the Super Bowl.”

Pros and cons of mediation and arbitrationAs with all forms of dispute resolution, Christopher Zarda, director of complex litigation at MacQueen& Gottlieb, says there are definite pros and cons to mediation and arbitration.  “Mediation, a non-binding dispute resolution procedure, allows the parties to separately present their subjective case to an independent mediator,” Zarda says. “Picking the right mediator with the right experience allows for a full and frank discussion and exchange of information couriered between the parties. This also allows an experienced intermediary to provide frank commentary on the relative strengths and weaknesses of asserted claims and defenses, with the mediator advocating not for one party over the other, but rather for the successful settlement of the claims.”

The downside to mediation, according to Zarda, is its non-binding nature, meaning that no matter how strong your position may be, there is no guarantee the matter will be resolved as the parties cannot be compelled to settle.  “Arbitration can be quicker than waiting for a dispute to wind its way through the court process and the court’s burdened calendars,” says Michael R. Ross, shareholder at Gallagher & Kennedy. “Arbitration typically involves less discovery — the acquisition of information, documents, and pretrial testimony — than the court system, which generally means that the parties save money and time. Arbitration hearings are typically less formal and rigid than trial, although arbitration hearings in complex matters can often feel just like a trial without the courtroom and the judicial robes.”  The downside of arbitration is that it comes with a price.  “Private arbitrators, typically former judges or active attorneys, charge an hourly fee for their services, and there are also significant administrative fees charged by neutral services that oversee the appointment of arbitrators and the process,” Ross says.

Another frequent complaint from participants in arbitration and their counsel is that an outcome at arbitration is generally not subject to appeal.  “Parties that are not satisfied with the outcome have to live with it — there is not another bite at the proverbial apple except under vary narrow circumstances,” Ross says. “Of course, the flip side to that concern is that an arbitration provides finality and avoids what some view as a drawn-out appellate process.”

ARTICLE LINK

The Pet Mediator

9/16/2020

Michael Lodge, NCPM, CRTP - Nationally Certified Professional Mediator - www.lodge-co.com - Ph: 305-824-2963

In mediation, you never quite know what type of mediation will land on your desk and into your schedule. In the past two weeks I have had to only mediate two cases that involved a dog. And then one landed on my desk yesterday for a cat. Not a full divorce mediation, just on who is going to get the family pet. This is a very emotional subject in divorce where there are pets involved. So since so pet meditations have landed on my desk,s I have now named myself the Pet Mediator. No pet whispering in mediation.

So Jon and Janet (names made up) have a beautiful pet bull dog that they love greatly. The wife contacted me and said in her email that they had come to an agreement on all of the finances and assets from the marriage. The only thing remaining was who would get the dog. I provide my clients with a 30 minute consultation meeting on the process of mediation. They didn't want to make the decision, they wanted me the Mediator to make the decision. So I told them to agree to mediate and submit their intake documents to me to review, and we set a date for mediation. Two days prior to the mediation in came the in-take documents with their pictures and stories as to why they should get the dog.

We when first had our 30 minute consult the husband had failed to tell anyone that the dog was a support animal to his son (from another marriage) that was going through a very big healthcare crisis. The dog was his support. The wife did not know that his son was going through this crisis and that the dog had been issues a special care document to allow the son to live independently and to fly on plains with the dog. The dog was his support through his healthcare battle. So the story now changes that there is a son very dependent on the dog to help him through this crisis.

It was time to meet with both the husband and wife in mediation. I gave each person a 15 minute time period to present their argument as to why they should have the dog. Both presenting very good cases, both who really loved this dog. I knew this from the first consult with them that both persons love this pet, it was a family member that was obtained during the marriage. I could see in their faces that this dog as creating a big stress in resolving the end of this marriage. I presented various visitation plans for the dog. But the case always came back to the need of the child for this dog. It was pointed out that the son was very upset about losing this pet and it was creating a healthcare stress on him. It was important for me to understand the complexities of this health crisis of the son and decided I would talk to his doctor to understand the issues. Both husband and wife agreed to that it would be good to talk to the doctor.

Everything worked out in the end. The wife thought about it over the evening and sent me an email in the morning explaing she thought it would be best for the husband to keep the dog and that she would move on. A MOA was written, both signed, and the mediation was complete. Pets are a part of the family, and it is hard for couples to make that decision on who will get custody of that loved pet. I feel for them since I have three dogs and they are part of my home. However, these types of disputes can be worked through, providing the couple with a thought process of each others circumstances and needs. So I am not only a dog walker in real life with my own dogs and not the Pet Mediator.

The Middle East and Israel On Working Together

9/11/2020

Michael Lodge, NCPM - Nationally Certified Professional Mediator - www.lodge-co.com - PH 305.824.2963

We have heard two very strong statements President Trump over the many years we have known him. The art of the deal and respect through strength. Two philosophies that go hand in hand. Now over the past few weeks we have had three major international relationship deals put together by a strong negotiating team. With countries who respect strength. Only Trump could have done this, by allowing the United States to withdraw from the middle east, reducing our troupes and bringing them home, and putting the responsibility of peace back in the hand of the countries who need to work together, especially since oil is their only revenue stream and that is drying up.

Now the Democrats are going to look at these deals in a negative light, they will never say anything good about these deals because for some reason they have a disdain view of Israel. How that happened I am still trying to understand as to why they have turned on Israel. Perhaps it was that people voted in very hateful people into Congress who do not like Israel from countries that hate Israel. From a former President who did not like Israel. Before, Democrats were the friend of Israel and then Democratic leadership changed and they all went to the party view that Israel was bad. I know, shock to me and a shock to Israel. But throughout the past few years this has become obvious through the leadership of the Democratic party. It is interesting that what type of leadership that changes from friendly to non-friendly.

As we look at the beginning of deals within the middle east and Israel, we also have to take into consideration that a good portion of the nations in the middle east hate Iran more then Israel. To beat Iran, Israel is needed. Let's face it the military strength in the middle east is Israel. They have been fighting a war against Iran for a long time, the know the enemy. Remember the art of war, know your enemy.

“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.” - Sun Tzu, The Art of War

Israel knows the enemy and everything about them. They watch Iran like hawks. They know every single move Iran makes and that source of information and tactics is respected by the middle eastern nations. Thus, the strength of one small nation can do great damage to their enemies - Iran. The other issue is that Israel is a stronger nation as it come to research and development in medicine and technology. The middle east have never developed that strength.

It will be interesting to see who will be next to create ties with Israel and the United States.

Remember 9-11 and Love Our Fellow Americans More

9/11/2020

Michael Lodge, NCPM, CRTP - Nationally Certified Professional Mediator - www.lodge-co.com - PH 305.824.2963

Every year on this date, 9-11, I always have the memories what where and what I was doing on that day. I still replay it in my mind. I can hear my conversations as it was happening.

It was just a day, time to get up, get in the car and head to work. I lived in Orange County California at the time and I had to head up the freeway to Long Beach, California. A good 45 minute drive. I had just bought this car from the Los Angeles Police Auction as a commuter car. I think I had paid about $500 for it. It had no radio in it. It had a body, and engine, a seat, and sometimes the lights worked. It was the perfect commuter car for the Los Angeles traffic.

I got in the car and headed up the 405 freeway to Long Beach. When I got to my office building, that overlooked the Queen Mary ship, I noticed that people were checking the underside of my car at the entrance of the building. That was strange, no one had done that before. I drove down, got my parking spot, headed to the elevator, and pressed 14. When I opened the door of my office I thought it was strange that no one was on my floor and in my office. I was it. I sat down and started to work. I always got to the office early, I liked to start a fresh day with no phone calls. I started to work and soon there was a knock at my door. I opened the office front door and there stood a police officer. He immediately said, you need to leave the building, the building has a bomb threat. Leave your office unlocked. So off I went, we could not use the elevators, so down the stairs and 14 floors. There were a few of us that met in front of the building, the firetrucks were there, the bomb squad was there. They began to search the building. Then I heard it as someone in the group said, "I wonder if this as anything to do with New York?" I asked, what about New Yrok. Then they told me the story. I was shocked.

Finially, the bomb squad cleared the building and we were allowed up in the building. When I got to the office the phone was ringing it. I picked it up, it was the owner of the company. He told me that they were shutting down the office for the day, have anyone that reports to the office to go to a restaurant that he named. He told me I could leave. But before I left I checked the news on the internet where I saw the pictures and videos of everything that was happening. By the way, the building had a bomb scare every day for 7 days. For 7 days I walked down those stairs, 14 floors, once a day until they finally caught the guy calling in the fake bomb scares.

I drove home as fast as I could. I turned on CNN when it use to be a news station, and I sat in front of the television all day and all night. Watching as the building fell, people jumping out of the building, glass falling to the streets, people running from the dust of the falling buildings, people wondering where their relatives were, and the police and fire departments trying to do their jobs and save lives. 9-11, a day that I will never forget. A part of history where hate for Americans was so great the two buildings fell, a plane flew into the Pentagon, and one plane crashed. Each incident killing innocent Americans. And that is when we really understood what Islamic extremism was.

We all have our stories of that day. Some of you were not even born yet. Some of you may be out on the streets today in riots against America. We have extremism in the United States wanting to do just as Osama did, ISIS did, Taliban did, and the list of terrorist organizations that hate America. So when you march in the streets chanting "Death to America" what do you think the rest of America sees in you? We see hate, we see terror, we see extremism - with the same names as Osama, ISIS, Taliban, BLM, Antifa, KKK, and all the hate group out there. That is what America sees and hears because we remember 9-11.

The best part of being an American is that we remember, we take note, but we also love fellow Americans. When people are hurting, we are there. When a hurricane or tornado destroys communities, we are there. When people are hungry, we feed them. When they are cold, we cloth them. When Americans hurt, all Americans hurt and we try and solve the problem. When something happens to our nation, no other country comes to help us. No, Americans take care of each other because we were taught to love our neighbor. That is the American spirit. That is America. Remember 9-11 and then love your fellow American greater. Don't isolate yourself, reach out, love your neighbor. That is America..

Family Mediation vs. Litigation

9/10/2020

Michael Lodge, NCPM, CRTP - Nationally Certified Professional Mediator- www.lodge-co.com - mlodge@lodge-co.com

Family mediation can cover a whole bunch of subjects, and it is a very interesting field. Let me tell you about some of the client subjects that I have heard in the last few days. Who gets the dog? Revisiting the parenting plan. Small businesses issues of a family. Grandmother wants visitation with her grandchildren. And there is a whole lot of family issues that get mediation, not just divorce issues. I was going to write a whole blog about it and then I got an email with a story already written, so I will share it with you. Great writer, great views.

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by Marian Grande - September 2020 - Many people assume that the only way to resolve a family law matter is to retain counsel and commence a Court action. This is a wrong assumption. Some cases must be settled with court intervention, although many cases may be settled through alternative dispute resolution.

Litigation is time consuming, emotionally draining, expensive, and unpredictable. In litigation, a judge will make divorce-related decisions regarding child access, support, and equalization. You are never certain of your outcome until a judge makes a decision, which may not be in your favor, not even slightly.

So, what is mediation?
Mediation is an alternative to court. Mediation employs a professionally trained, unbiased and neutral third party called a mediator, who does not judge the case but helps facilitate a discussion, limit the issues, and put them in perspective to assist the parties in resolving the dispute.

Mediation is non-binding, so the parties work toward a voluntary agreement on key issues which is then drawn up into Minutes of Settlement, which is enforceable. Parties participating in mediation have an incentive to reach an agreement because they do not want to proceed to trial to be bound to the judge’s order instead.

Mediation is less expensive, more confidential, and highly effective in resolving conflicts more peacefully than expensive and stressful litigious court battles.

When you retain counsel for a court application, you will have to leave a retainer, which may range from $10,000.00 to $15,000.00 for work to even commence on your matter. Hourly rates for lawyers usually range from $350.00 to $950,00 per hour. It is not unlikely that a family law matter in litigation will cost $25,000.00 to $100,000.00 per party.

Mediation ranges from $250.00 to $300.00 per hour with both parties sharing this cost. A much smaller retainer would be required, more likely in the amount of $500.00 to $1,000.00. The total cost of mediation usually ranges from $1,000.00 to $7,000.00. The cost savings of mediation versus litigation is astronomical to say the least.

The time it takes to get to a family law trial is extensive, sometimes taking years to reach trial. Mediation can be resolved within a day to a week. Which means less stress for each party and returning to a normal life much quicker.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE www.mediate.com/articles/grande-family.cfm?MvBriefArticleId=47607

The Funny Life Of Our Password

9/9/2020

Michael Lodge, NCPM - Nationally Certified Professional Mediation - www.lodge-co.com

I found this video that made me laugh so hard because it described me perfectly throughout the years in designing a password for my computer life.

Zoom and Virtual Fatigue

9/9/2020

Michael Lodge, NCPM - Nationally Certified Professional Mediator - www-lodge-co.com

As a mediator I miss the days when clients came in to see me. It was good to have them in the office and being able to read their body and facial languages. Plus, I didn't get that tired, it was a human process that felt like you were working together to resolve an issue(s). Now we are doing it through zoom or other virtual devices. It is working but it doesn't seem the same. To me anyway. I read an article in the Wall Street journal as to how it is affecting us, this new zoom world we live in. We now have a new description and it is called Zoom Fatigue.

According to The Wall Street Journal, there are multiple causes of Zoom Fatigue:

Lack of transitions. Our brain pays attention to change, and something new, and the lack of change when looking at a computer screen causes our brain to get sleepy. Sitting at a conference table, our head is constantly turning to look at faces, whiteboard, windows, longingly at the bagel stand across the street, etc. But with Zoom, etiquette says that we must continue to look at the screen or people think we are not paying full attention.
Forced new communication style: Many of us used Zoom before the pandemic, but the number of users and the time spent on Zoom has skyrocketed (from 10 million users to 300 million since April, 2020). This means that our brain has not gotten used to the new method of communication. Just as you get a headache when you begin wearing a new prescription, our brains are adjusting to the importance of stillness in front of the camera, the microsecond delay, allowing only one person to speak at a time, and needing to modulate our voice patterns (too loud is a staticky shriek, too quiet and it won't be picked up by the mic).
Subconscious intake now requires purposeful thought: Our brains used to absorb nonverbal cues subconsciously--a fast intake of breath, a tightening of the shoulders--that gave us cues about how to proceed. We now have to be more intentional about reading facial expressions and picking up on verbal communication cues. Being more aware of the impact of our vocabulary will likely end up making us even better mediators--but it is still exhausting to learn a new method of communicating.
Less satisfying feedback: I found myself teaching a group of 40 students in the spring who typically had their audio and video turned off. Do you know how annoying it is to tell a joke to 40 quiet, black squares? Without the feedback of hearing a chuckle or seeing a smile, I found I had to draw on more of my inner energy reserves to keep the lesson interesting. In mediation, I enjoy watching the body language as parties begin to relax and hear each other. This encourages me and motivates me to keep mediating. While Zoom allows me to see more micro expressions on their faces, I miss the full sensory feedback.
Feeling invaded: Many of us rushed to get larger screens, making it easier to see faces, read documents, etc. Yet researchers found that when you are meeting with clients, their faces are so large and intrusive that it stimulates a fight-flight-freeze response in our parasympathetic brain. We have learned to squash that response, typically, but the result of ignoring our brain is not only tiring but it puts us just a bit more out of touch with our valuable instincts.
Unclear hierarchy: Our brains can relax when there is clarity. Seeing who is at the head of a conference table, allows our brains to know who to turn to for the final decision. This lack of leadership is unnerving for our brains.
Physical constraint: Have you ever seen a 3-year-old strapped into a shopping cart at Costco? Watching them try to restrict their movements while they are fairly vibrating with energy is comical (unless you are their parent. Then you are just praying that you make it out of the store before the explosion). Our bodies are designed to "move-it-or-lose-it." The more we run, the more energy we have for running. But if we force ourselves to sit motionless in front of a screen for 9-hour-stretches, then our bodies begin to decrease the amount of energy created. In other words, the long-term result of sitting makes us tired. In 2012, the Huffington Post describes this as the Tin Man effect. They stated that when inactivity becomes habit, we rust up and slow down.

Zoom has forced to act differently while on camera. Our meetings, or for me, my mediation sessions have been a learning experience that I continue to deal with. I have doing virtual meditations and business meeting for a long time, even before Covid, but not so consistently as we do it now. I look forward to the day when I can sit at the table again with clients and work through the process with actual live people in the room. However, we are now stuck in the world of virtual meetings and we will get better at it.

Who would have known we would be dealing with another type of fatigue. Zoom Fatigue, it may be curable.

Solving Family Disputes Through Mediation

9/8/2020

Michael Lodge, NCPM, CRTP - Nationally Certified Professional Mediator - Ph: 305.824.2963 - www.lodge-co.com

Families have issues. Sometimes the small issue becomes a dispute or a conflict with the family. Emotions running wild and then it can become extreme to the point that it literally shuts families down. They stop talking, they accuse each other of various deeds, and the names begin to fly. I should probably keep a list of all the names I have heard people call each other, they become very interesting. Sometimes the dispute can be between parents and children, where promises were made but not kept, sometimes by both sides. The process of mediation in family disputes should be used more often.

Family disputes can be in a family owned business. Who is going to take over the business once a family member leaves the business? Succession is a big thing if family companies and can get nasty. And then there is a separation phase of a marriage and setting rules so that responsibilities are defined until the divorce goes through. It may even be a separation while the couple goes through counseling. All of this is done through a mediator, very confidentially.

Mediation is a process and it is the best process to solve problems. Mediation has a very high percentage rate of resolving issues, in business and in families. The process is designed to have a third party - the mediator - who steps in and provides focus and rules to discuss and negotiate through the conflict or dispute. Emotions can be controlled by having private meetings with those in the family before bringing them all together. Sometimes that heat is so high in the dispute that individuals can't be brought together at the very beginning, there has to be diplomacy mediation between the two parties before they are ready to meet in person. And sometimes, when people start to talk they find out their issues are the same as the other person's issue, and that creates a starting point to agree on a way to resolve the problems.

As I do mediation I get to hear a lot of very interesting stories. Some angry, some sad, some not knowing what to do. Everyone in mediation gets to tell their story. The mediator gets to take the story and put it into discussion points to find a resolution opportunity for both parties to work on - together. If you or a client, is having a family conflict, call a mediator. The process works!