​So remember, mediators that do workplace mediation must know what the new rules are from the EEOC. Do we agree with it? Sorry I have to remain neutral as a mediator.

The current EEO-1 form only provides a male or female option, but there is comment box you can use to report data for non-binary employees by job category and race/ethnicity. The comment box appears on the certification page in the EEO-1 Component 1 Online Filing System.

The EEOC asks that you preface this data with the phrase, “Additional Employee Data.” For example, to report a non-binary white administrative assistant, you would type, “Additional Employee Data: 1 non-binary gender employee in Job Category Administrative Support Workers; Race/Ethnicity: White (Not Hispanic or Latino).”

In the future, the EEOC may add an option for easily reporting non-binary employees.

#mediation #employment #humanresources #business #smallbusiness #miami #palmbeach #orlando #sanfrancisco #losangeles #NYC #Chicago #disputeresolution #savanah #EEOC #workplacemediation #wallstreet #economy #gender #job #hr #jobs

As a co-parent you are going to hear words out of your child's mouth that sounds like, "At (insert mom or dad) house he lets us do xyz".  And so now a new form of mediation starts.  Remember this, when you have children, you will have to mediate from the time they slither out of bed and until the time they get put in bed, tied down, and asleep.  Well, maybe not the tied down bit, but it is a thought.  Laugh, it is a joke.  So now we must talk about the House Rules of Co-Parenting and being "consistent" in both houses.

It does not mean the rules need to be identical, but consistent.  The goal, being a co-parent, is to provide your kid(s) with a sense of structure and routine because it will make them feel a sense of security and predictability.  If you are consistent in both homes, then they will know what is expected from both parents.  Co-parents should never get involved with the rules in the other home or express their anger.  Remember you are co-parents.  You are independent mediators on children's issues or rules in each home.  Be consistent in your house rules but do not expect the other house to do exactly as you do.  

Now there are going to be things outside of the home, such as school activities and issues, summer camps, piano lessons, and other stuff that you will need to work out together and talk to each other about.  Your children's life has a whole different world then you two co-parents.  Work together on those issues, staying focused on what needs to happen or be resolved.  

If there is an issue in a co-parenting home that is causing an issue where the child is not feeling comfortable and has told a parent, then that needs to be addressed.  Any signs of abuse need to be addressed.  But on the general house rules stay out of the way unless you see it abusive.

I hate to use this as an example, but I have seen it first-hand.  Some of you have parents that love to get involved in your lives, and they will call you up or come into your lives and tell you the what for.  You get offended.  Communication gets broken down because of hurt feelings.  You have two options when you get hurt feelings or have been hurt, you can feel wounded, or you can become wise.  Choose the wisdom because you get nowhere being the victim.  Wisdom lets you go forward.  Being wounded just wounds everyone one else, your wound spreads to other people.  You know what you call that?  Conflict.  And if you leave the conflict open, delay the conflict, it means you just multiplied the conflict.  At that point, call in a mediator to resolve the conflict.  This same pattern is what happens when you start getting involved with what is going on in the other parent’s house.  Remember, be consistent in the house rules so your child knows what is expected of them in your house(s).

Some want to call it "Open Dialogue", I just want to call it "Dialogue that is civil and simple".  Sometimes co-parents are too open with the other co-parent and say too much that creates more conflict.  Especially a manipulator they want to get their way and do it in a way that creates more disputes between the two.  Manipulation is never honest, so you never get honest results.

An open dialogue doesn't mean that you are constantly emailing texting or phoning each other about everything going on in your lives.  You do have personal lives, keep it personal.  What it does mean is that you're in regular consistent communication with each other about your children.  Especially about the things that impact their well-being, their lives.  Consistent communication about only the issues that affect the children's lives is encouraged, but don't go overboard.  Consistent communication doesn't mean every five minutes, or on the hour or half hour, it just means when something needs to be addressed about the child's needs.  

Conversations don't need to be face to face. Use a set communication style that works for you - text email or even a communication service designed for co-parenting.  There are several services out there that I like and suggest for co-parenting.  It is a way to document everything, and I have even had during the mediation period the co-parents have put me on their apps so I can follow the communication process.  I am a real stickler to have a communication plan within the parenting agreement.  It is very important.

Our Family Wizard - https://www.ourfamilywizard.com/ is one that is used regularly by the courts and co-parents.  A good article on co-parenting aps is:  www.momjunction.com/articles/co-parenting-apps_00651599/

The more important key here is to communicate openly, consistently and with integrity and to communicate with your co-parent without the help of your children.  Leave your children out of your communication between co-parents.  It never works and hurts the child.  If you have something to say or request of the other co-parent do with directly with them through your chosen communication process.  Do not involve your kids.  It is not fair or civil.

In your parenting plan, make sure both co-parents understand what the boundaries are in the communication process as co-parents.  If you go beyond the boundaries, then you will be coming back into mediation to resolve the issues.  Communicate within boundaries.

So now we set some boundaries on your communication habits that you must redo to communicate better.  We know the old rule, it hard to teach old dogs new tricks, or you cannot make people change their established patterns of opinion and behavior when they communicate.  However, you can set boundaries that both sides must live to.  Yep, you are small children being re-taught to communicate.

So here is the truth, you only have control over you.  No one else, just you.  You have no control over the other people.  For you to have any type of expectation that you can control anything else is just inappropriate and let's face it, it doesn't work.  This process begins with only you.

More truth, no matter how right you may think you are about something, the only person you can control is you.  The only thing you can control is the example you set.  Get the point?  It’s all about you.

Now listen to this.  If you and your kids' other parent already agree on the most important things - healthcare, education, discipline, and spiritual stuff, you won't have as many urges to want to control your ex's behavior and decisions.  Focus in on the most important things that affect your kids.  No need to go into what happened in the past, what someone said, what someone did, it is about the down and the current issue.  Nothing else.  Address the issue of the day that affects the child and work it through.  Nothing else matters in your mixed-up mind, focus on what needs to be accomplished for that child and to have the other parent listening and understanding the need.  If you dare to bring anything else into the needs list of what you need to be focusing on it - your will be the developer of conflict, yes you, the one who wants to write a book of a text to the other side.  When the other side gets your text, they don't want to deal with it.  The issues that needed to be addressed never gets addressed because now the book you wrote failed as a best seller. 

​Focus on the important things and don't screw it up with anything else.  Want good communication and resolving issues, keep it short and to the point.

Even if you are in a wonderful, blessed marriage the subject of finance and spending always is always a concern to disrupt a marriage into conflict.  Some marriages have been dissolved because of the conflict of finances.  We call this financial incompatibility.  In a recent divorce study, couples that argue about finances at least once a week are 30% more likely to get divorced. The same study also found that couples with no assets at the beginning of a three-year period are 70% more likely to divorce by the end of that period than couples with $10,000 in assets.  Finances is ranked as the 3rd most reason for divorce or 22%.  So, with that said, if you are having financial conflicts in the marriage you need to work together on your finances and get it understood where you stand financially.

Those of you having financial conflicts probably do not even budget your money or have a family budget in place.  If you do not have a budget in place, then you have no spending rules.  You are just opening your wallets and purses and spending not knowing you have real financial concerns.  And then the fight comes along when you find out that you have overspent and have no cash left.  Now, I am not pointing finger at any one person because in a marriage it is about "we".  We overspent.  We do not have any money left.  We do not know what we are doing.  

For those of you reading this before you have said the "I do's".  Sit down with a financial mediator and find out where you stand before you get married.  The issue may be that you are bringing in student debt of thousands of dollars into the marriage.  Some of you may have spent to the limit on your credit cards and your salary is not covering debt.  You may have cars, houses, and other debt that you need to know about.  And some of you my friends have tax liabilities you are bringing into the marriage.  Debt and taxes will bring a lot of conflict into the marriage and you need to know this and have a plan on how you are going to get out of this debt or tax situation before you stand at the marriage alter.  Otherwise, if you do not sit down and have a plan, then start planning for a divorce in three years.  Be proactive and resolve the financial issues prior to marriage.  Think ethically in pre-marriage decisions.

Now those of you that are already married and have together accumulated debt that has led to conflict, it is both your responsibilities.  Not just one person in the marriage.  Be wise and put together a budget.  If you want a free budget I have one on my web site at:  BUDGET

This budget worksheet will help you to identify the money flowing into your house and how much is leaping out.  It will help you identify items that you can cut out of your budget and allow you to put the money into an emergency fund.  Listen, inflation is rising in the United States and in nations around us, that means you are going to need an emergency fund.  So, start building it right now.  The other issue is that when you go over your budget and building one, you both do it together.  One of you may be good at numbers, so do not take over the job by yourself because there will be conflicts if you do it alone.  Do it together.

If you are unable to do it together then hire a mediator that has a background in finances to help you through the process.  Or maybe you have an ongoing financial dispute that you need resolved.  Call a mediator with a financial background that can help you through the disputes and come to a fair way to resolve the issue.  However, if you are really focused together, as a team you can resolve these disputes and you will not even have to call your divorce attorney because you think it has come to an end.  It is easy to run away from a problem, but it takes real love and guts to fact the problem together.

​So let's not be a divorce statistic.  Let's get your finances in order and hire a mediator to walk you through the process.  Call my office at:  305.824.2963 or send an email to info@lodge-co.com

    Michael Lodge, NCPM
    Nationally Certified Professional Mediator
    Lodge & Co.
    www.lodge-co.com
    Phone:  305.824.2963

Over the past few months I have spent some time about the communication process as individuals try and co-parent during the time of separation and divorce.  It is not an easy job and that is why communication is so very important.

Co-parenting is the process of sharing parenting time and responsibilities.  It is where you are to work together and communicate on a regular basis to continue parenting together, even though you are no longer married.  But the responsibility of taking care of these children is huge and the way you communicate is vital to the growth of these children in the co-parenting process.

Now you could not stay together for a various amount of reason, and one of these reason is that you had difficulty communicating while you were married.  However, you are separated now., and may even be divorced and all of what happened in the marriage changes because how you are only focused on the children's needs, not your needs.  Now what was said in the past, or done in the past, it is now only about being a co-parent and fulfilling the role as mom and dad.

Never think you both are ever going to be in synch.  You were not in synch when you were married, so you are not going to change out of marriage.  But, you can focus on the needs of the children.  Being a healthy co-parent means you are focused on the kids.  It is part of the ongoing commitment you and your ex have made when you became parents to your kids.  It requires empathy, patience, honesty, and open communication.

The important rule is that what you guys did in your marriage is no longer relevant.  We are not going to do the blame game because it took two of you to make the kids and the two of you to tear down a marriage.  To be blunt about it!  Your only focus now is the kids  Not your hurt feelings, not your Manley hood, it is about the children that you brought into this world and to provide them with a family life after the separation or divorce.  That is why I love the saying that says, "Adults divorce - families never do".  Remember that, because this is going to be your reminder that the children's lives through your actions as co-parents really matter.

In the next few blogs we will talk about:
1.  Setting clear boundaries and basis parenting agreements
2.  Open dialogue between you and the Children's other parent
3.  Being adult and having consistent rules in both homes
4.  Creating a parenting schedule
5.  Being flexible
6.  Mutual respect
7.  Keeping your emails and texts 25 words or less

Along the way as we go through this, if you have any questions send them to:  info@lodge-co.com
​

As a Certified Mediator it is always important to know what the tax rules are in separation and divorce.  I am also a tax practitioner that also needs to know the rules.  Each year this is a subject that I review very carefully because tax laws change yearly.  Thus, here are the basics that everyone going through separation and divorce should discuss with their tax advisor as they go through the process.
Ten Tax Considerations in Divorce.  The following is taken from https://familylawyermagazine.com/articles/top-ten-tax-considerations-in-divorce/​ 
​

1. Spousal support payments are commonly used in divorce settlements to shift cash from one spouse to another to provide income. It’s important to understand how these payments will impact your client’s taxable income and cash flow. Alimony is one type of spousal support payment. The Tax Cuts and Jobs Act tax legislation changed the tax treatment of alimony paid and received: any divorce or separation agreement instituted on or after January 1, 2019 is governed by the new tax law and alimony income is not taxable to the recipient and there is no tax deduction for alimony paid. The tax treatment of alimony for agreements completed by December 31, 2018 was not changed by this legislation and payments that qualify as alimony are taxable income to the payee and tax deductible to the payer.
2. Not all payments made from one spouse to another are considered alimony. In order for spousal support to qualify as alimony, the payments need to be made pursuant to a divorce decree or separation agreement. Payments must be made in cash, not property. The spouses may not live in the same household, they may not file a joint tax return, and there can be no requirement that payments be made to the payee after death.
3. Determining an individual’s projected post-divorce cash flow is essential in divorce financial planning. An analysis of projected cash flow enables you to determine if a proposed divorce settlement will allow your client to maintain his or her current lifestyle by considering their anticipated income and spending needs. Your client will need to provide you with their current sources of income, anticipated expenses, and their assets and liabilities in order for you to determine an equitable divorce settlement. This information can also be used to simulate potential asset division scenarios that can be analyzed to project estimates of your client’s annual cash flow and the length of time that the client’s assets will last based on their spending needs. Providing this type of cash flow analysis to your client will help them feel confident in their financial future after the divorce is finalized.
4. A tax advisor can determine any tax ramifications of assets or liabilities your client will receive in the divorce. Each type of asset can be taxed differently – even when they seem to be comparable assets. One example is the division of retirement assets such as a 401k or IRA. There is a big tax difference between receiving Traditional or Roth IRA or retirement plan assets: Traditional IRA and retirement plan assets are taxable when the assets are distributed to the beneficiary and Roth IRA and retirement plan assets are distributed to the beneficiary tax-free. Real estate received as part of a divorce settlement may be taxable when the asset is sold, so it is important to know the cost basis of any real estate received along with any tax deductions that have been claimed on the real estate (such as deprecation). The cost basis and depreciation will impact your taxable income when this asset is sold. The potential tax on the sale or distribution of assets received in a divorce should be considered when dividing these assets.
5. Once your client is separated or divorced, there will likely be a change to their tax filing status. A taxpayer’s tax filing status is used to determine a number of factors on the tax return – including, but not limited to, the tax rate. A taxpayer’s marital status on the last day of the tax year determines the filing status for that entire tax year. An individual will be considered to be divorced for the entire year if the divorce was finalized on or before December 31 of the tax year. A divorced individual is able to use the Single or Head of Household filing status for the tax year in which the divorce was finalized.
6. Going through a divorce can be a long process and, in many cases, a couple in the middle of a divorce is still married at the end of the tax year. Taxpayers not legally divorced or separated on December 31 are considered married for that tax year and will have the option to file their tax returns as Married Filing Jointly, Married Filing Separately, or Head of Household. The Married Filing Jointly filing status will usually result in a lower overall tax bill, but many individuals don’t want to have to work with their spouse to file the return as they may disagree regarding factors that impact the return. If your client is in this situation, then their next best option may be the Head of Household filing status.
7. The Head of Household filing status is typically more advantageous than the Single or Married Filing Separately filing statuses if the taxpayer has a dependent child. A taxpayer is able to file as Head of Household if they are not married or are legally separated at the end of the tax year – or if the taxpayer did not live with their spouse for the last six months of the tax year. The taxpayer also has to have paid for more than one-half of the costs to maintain the household, and the taxpayer’s child(ren) must qualify as dependents and live with the taxpayer for more than one-half of the year. Your client should know that there are options when trying to determine the correct filing status; a tax advisor can work with your client to determine the most advantageous filing status for their circumstances.
8. If filing a separate return this year, your client will need to figure out their income separately so that each spouse reports the proper amount of income. If your client has been filing a return jointly with his or her spouse since they were married, then they reported all of their income on the same tax return without having to determine which income belonged to each spouse. Determining the proper allocation of income and deductions in the tax year a divorce is finalized or when a divorcing couple chooses to file separately is dependent on the distribution laws of the state where the divorce decree will be issued. Taxpayers in most community property states are required to equally split all community income up to the date of the divorce decree. After the divorce has been finalized, the individual who earned it must report all income from that date through the end of the tax year. Taxpayers divorcing in an equitable distribution state will report all income they earned individually as well as any income received from property they personally own.
9. Are any of the attorney or advisor fees incurred during a divorce tax deductible? Fees paid for tax planning and legal tax advice are not tax deductible for federal purposes. Unfortunately, the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act legislation repealed the deduction for legal and other professional fees for individual taxpayers beginning January 1, 2019. This provision of the law does sunset, meaning that as of January 1, 2026, the deduction for legal and professional fees will once again be allowed. There are some states that still allow a tax deduction for legal and professional fees, so your client should discuss the tax deductibility of these fees with a tax advisor to ensure you don’t miss a tax deduction.
10. An overpayment on your client’s prior year tax return that has been applied to next year’s estimated tax and estimated tax payments that have been paid during the tax year can be allocated between spouses. The IRS allows taxpayers to allocate these payments in any agreed upon manner as long as you attach an explanation for the allocation to the tax return when filing. The distribution laws in your client’s state may dictate the allocation of these payments, however. The payments will likely have to be allocated equally to each spouse if the divorce is in a community property state and the tax payments were made with community funds. The laws for equitable distribution states may require that any estimated tax payments be divided among spouses in proportion to each spouse’s separate tax liability.

Taken from Family Lawyer Magazine.

Don't write a book.  Focus on your message or response.  Don't go out of bounds from the subject.  Reread, change, then send.  Simplicity.= Success

I am sharing this article on the do's and don'ts of mediation.  I give this lecture a lot to mediation clients.  Excellent article and good to share to you who are considering mediation.

by Rachel Gupta from MEDIATE newsletter
March 2021
In light of backlogs resulting from closures due to COVID-19, many courts are turning to presumptive ADR programs.  As a result, mediation has become, more than ever, a necessary alternative to litigation.  Many lawyers and clients, however, are less experienced with developing mediation strategy, which in turn impacts the potential for the parties to reach agreement. For example, mediation statements are a critical opportunity for parties to educate the mediator and help her prepare for the day of mediation.  Oftentimes, lawyers do not use this opportunity as effectively as they could. The most useful mediation statement is one that: helps the mediator understand why the parties are where they are; what issues need to be resolved prior to reaching an agreement, and what is important to a party in any negotiated resolution.  The following are five do’s and five don’ts to keep in mind when drafting a pre-mediation statement.   


Five Do’s for Pre-Mediation Statements:

• Do provide the mediator with sufficient history to understand who the parties are, their relationship, the nature of the dispute, and the procedural status of any litigation.  

Tell the mediator the relevant facts necessary for her to understand what has transpired. She also needs to be aware of any events or legal rulings that have impacted or will impact the value of the case.  Also tell the mediator of any ongoing relationship or business objectives between the parties. For example, tell the mediator if the parties are still engaged together in some business capacity or if there is the potential for future business opportunities. Similarly, if there are other disputes or litigation pending between the parties, the mediator should know this to understand where the current dispute fits within the context of the larger relationship.

•  Do identify any gating issues that need to be addressed in order for the parties to resolve the dispute.  

Gating issues may or may not be the same as the legal issues that a judge or jury will determine at trial. They also may not be directly at issue in the case at all, but nevertheless, are necessary to address in order for a party to reach an agreement. In terms of the former, if there is a legal aspect of the case on which the parties completely disagree, and this has a direct impact on the quantum of damages at issue, educating the mediator is critical.  (You may also want to consider seeking an evaluative mediator who can provide a third-party neutral opinion on this aspect of the case.)  For example:  even if the parties cannot agree to the total damages amount potentially available at trial, it may be useful to identify and try to agree on the types and ranges of amounts of various categories of damages that the plaintiff seeks.  In an employment case, this could involve negotiations around the categories of compensation eligible to the employee (e.g., base salary, bonus, restricted stock units, etc.). Similarly, where a party is unable to reach a negotiated resolution without some condition, tell the mediator about this condition as early as possible so that she can determine when it should be raised with your adversary.  This could include non-negotiables such as the need for, or language of, a public disclosure, press release, or an employee letter of reference.  

• Do tell the mediator “why” your stated positions are what they are.  

In other words, what interests must be met in connection with any negotiated resolution? This could include concerns about a company’s stock price, liquidity, wherewithal, copycat suits, or other interests that impact the party’s evaluation of any potential agreement. Oftentimes, impasse results because the parties fail to appreciate and understand the reasoning behind their adversary’s position. While sometimes these reasons need to remain confidential from the other side, sharing with the mediator can help her facilitate the negotiations. 

• Do inform the mediator of your willingness to explore alternative currencies to a cash settlement.  

Identifying your willingness to consider alternatives to an all cash settlement does not automatically mean these alternatives must be explored. The mediator will not be making proposals without your permission; however, enabling the mediator to understand the scope of available solutions optimizes her ability to assist you in developing options.  

• When you have the opportunity to provide ex parte submissions to the mediator, do trust the mediator to keep the information confidential. 

Many lawyers worry about showing their hand too early to the mediator, but holding information back impedes the mediator’s ability to do her job effectively right from the outset.  The mediator will only share information with your adversary with your consent, and because your adversary has disclosed confidential information to her, she is likely in a better position to help you strategically play your hand at the right time.  


Five Don’ts for Pre-Mediation Statements:

• Don’t regurgitate your memorandum of law from the motion to dismiss or summary judgment motion. 

While identifying important gating legal issues is necessary, arguing your case to the mediator is not since she is not making any rulings or issuing any orders.  There is no need to prove your conviction or that you are a good litigator, and the mediator already expects you to insist that your case is the better one.  Moreover, if a dispositive motion has previously been filed, the mediator can read the briefing and any relevant decisions if you think it is important for her to do so.  Thus, you can streamline your mediation statement to include only those facts and issues that are important to the negotiations.

• Don’t make unreasonable demands as your opening position.

Mediation and litigation are two different processes and require different approaches and strategies. The mediator expects you to have conviction in your case, but legal posturing often becomes counter-productive.  When a party starts the bidding from a point that is hard to justify under objective standards, they can and should expect their adversaries to counter in turn. The resulting gamesmanship makes the mediation more difficult than necessary, creates more negativity, and can quickly lead to impasse.

• Don’t make accusatory or derogatory statements about the other side. 

Keep things civil and collaborative.  Remember, the goal is to reach a negotiated resolution.  When you come in ready for combat, you are pushing the parties further apart.

• Don’t insist your case is infallible.  

Instead, remain reasonable when presenting your chances of success at trial, risks and settlement range.  Again, this is consistent with the collaborative approach that helps maximize chances of resolution.

• Don’t conceal important facts from the mediator.  

First, mediators know when something does not quite make sense or add up.  If you are hiding something, you are inhibiting the mediator from effectively facilitating the negotiations.  Inform the mediator of your concern so that the negotiations do not head in a direction where you find yourself backed into a corner. Second, if you have a smoking gun, let the mediator help you determine when to use it.  When lawyers try to keep facts or evidence in their back pocket for some later date in the litigation, they are conceding (likely too early) that the parties will not reach a negotiated resolution.    


Biography
Ms. Rachel Gupta has her own ADR practice, Gupta Dispute Resolutions LLC, where she serves as a mediator, arbitrator, and outside general counsel to small businesses.

Keeping the Marital Home in Divorce and Pitfalls for the Unwary
by Mary Salisbury
Supporting Effective Agreement

Keeping the marital home in divorce and pitfalls for the unwary.

In most marriages there is a marital home and it’s often the largest, or one of the largest assets.  Particularly if there are kids, in divorce, one spouse often wants to keep the marital home.

There are pitfalls for the unwary in divorce as it relates to the marital home that can arise long after the mediation has been completed.  As mediators, we can provide the service of advising our clients so they can avoid these pitfalls that could create bitter feelings towards their ex plus end up affecting their financial life for years to come.
​

1. Being off the deed doesn’t relieve financial responsibility.  Without proper guidance, one spouse may agree to sign a quick claim deed to transfer the deed to the other spouse (the “house spouse”) pursuant to their settlement, without realizing they would keep financial responsibility without ownership interest. Unfortunately, most lenders will not allow one spouse to simply assume the existing mortgage.  If both spouses are on the mortgage, refinancing will probably be required to take one spouse off the mortgage.  No matter what the settlement agreement or divorce decree says, if a spouse’s name is on a mortgage, the lender WILL hold him or her responsible for the mortgage payments.  The mortgage will also continue to show up on both spouse’s credit report as an obligation which often keeps the spouse who wants a new house of his or her own from getting a mortgage, or for that matter, any loan they may need for other purposes.

 

1. Refinancing may not be possible.  We know that money problems are a root to many divorces. It’s not uncommon for refinancing to not be possible.  While two incomes may have been enough to qualify for a mortgage to buy the marital home, one income may not be enough for the house spouse to qualify for refinancing.  It’s common for the mom to want to keep the home, but her income, even with support, may not be enough.  Also, refinancing comes with a cost.  Fees for refinancing can be 2-4%, interest rates may have increased and the credit score of the house spouse may not be good or may have gone down which in most cases, will make the overall cost of the mortgage higher.  

I’ve had more than one phone call from folks seeking help because their settlement agreement said the ex-spouse got the house and would refinance but that was not happening.  Meanwhile, they were stuck in an apartment, because they were still on the marital home mortgage.  Even worse, their credit was taking a hit because the house spouse was not making mortgage payments.  
 

• It may take time for support to be counted as income for purposes of qualification. When the house spouse is depending on spousal support, child support or other payments made under the separation agreement to qualify for a loan, he or she may be surprised that a certain number of payments must be made both in the past and into the future to qualify for a loan.  The number of payments required will depend on whether a conventional loan or an FHA loan will be used.  With a conventional loan, Income from spousal support, child support or separate maintenance payments may be considered qualifying income if the documentation shows that the payor was obligated to make (and consistently made) payments to the house spouse borrower for at least the most recent six months and is obligated to make payments to the borrower for the next three years.  Evidence (documentation) is required.  With a FHA loan, if using a final divorce decree, legal separation agreement or court order, income from spousal support, child support or separate maintenance payments may be considered qualifying income if the documentation shows that the payor was obligated to make (and consistently made) payments to the house spouse borrower for at least the most recent three months.  If receiving voluntary payments from an ex-spouse, the house spouse borrower must provide proof of twelve months of timely payments.  In both cases, proof that payments to the house spouse are required for the next three years is required and evidence (documentation) is required.  (Note: These time period requirements may change but the important thing to keep in mind is that there will be a delay when qualification is dependent on support payments.)

 
As mediators, we do our clients a service by inquiring about the ability to pay a mortgage, explain these pitfalls to our clients and recommend that the house spouse get a commitment letter from a bank prior to finalizing the settlement agreement.   
 

1. There may be unknown title problems.  Down the road, the house spouse may decide to sell the home and problems with the title may be discovered during the preparation for closing. Title issues have to be fully settled before a home can be sold, and the problem is common enough that 11% of closing issues revolve around title problems.  The house spouse is stuck paying for the costs related to clearing up the title. The best way for the house spouse to protect him or herself from an unwanted surprise is to perform a title search during the divorce process which costs about $75 to $200. Some of the most common title problems are:
   1. Liens:  Liens from back federal, state, or local taxes or unpaid bills to contractors, liens from previous owners, and liens in the form of judgments, which are court-obtained documents from unpaid creditors or a parent requiring child support. 
   2. Heirs of previous owners:  If the home’s previous owner passed away before selling the home, the house spouse could end up facing heirs that come forward claiming right to the property. 
   3. Public record errors:  A clerical or filing error may seem minor, but these can take quite a while to resolve.
   4. Identity Concerns: When people have common name, a homeowner may be mistaken for someone else who is facing judgment. For example, if someone in the community has the same name and is taken to court for back child support, the judge could mistakenly file a lien against the wrong property. 
2. Costs of sale.  Sometimes one parent will want to keep the marital home for just a few years.  One common reason for this is to keep the kids in their home until they move out or go to college.  It may not occur to them that he or she will be paying for all of the closing costs on their own.   That’s big money and reason to consider selling the home now and splitting the closing costs or agreeing to share closing costs and setting an agreed upon date by which the house will be sold.
3. Home insurance does not get changed.  Not updating homeowner’s insurance policies can come back and cost the house spouse thousands of dollars. It happens like this:

-The husband is insured and the wife is a beneficiary. (This is often done this way because a spouse has lower credit scores.)

-They get divorced and wife keeps the house. No changes are made to the policy.
-A storm happens and a tree falls resulting in a $6,000 repair.

-Wife goes to file a claim but because she is a beneficiary, the claim is declined or the money is sent to the husband because he still shows as the insured.

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by Jharna Jagtiani, Aanchal Gupta
February 2021
The mediation process is inherently flexible. Traditionally, it is used as a dispute resolution tool where parties can come together, call a timeout and reach a mutually acceptable solution. But in the time of a pandemic or even otherwise, there are several uses of the mediation process. Different situations and circumstances can bring out several issues that one might face especially when working in a group or dealing with other people in general. Principles or even the process of mediation can help figure out a plan or a strategy for the developments and help tackle any issue faced by the parties. 
Here are some instances where mediation can be used other than resolving disputes - 
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1. Structural Changes or Changes In Organization – Mediators have often been engaged to conduct sessions when a business organization is looking to make changes. In the times of a pandemic, almost all the business organizations have suffered and need to adapt to the structural changes. They have suffered in most areas of their working, if not only in profitability and/or financial terms. New goals to dissolve, or split up, or reorganize the organization can be mediated. Issues with every individual’s situation can crop up in several matters due to the changes that need to be made as a result of the pandemic. Structural changes in the business organizations are fundamental changes. The pandemic has rendered these kinds of transitions/adjustments important, mediation can help the members to adjust to them in a better way so as to reduce any kind of friction and avoid conflict.
   
   
2. Reality Check – Prevention is better than cure. Before a thought, opinion or disagreement can turn into an actual conflict, it is advisable to take regular mediation sessions like once every 3 months to gauge the possible conflict points in the workplace and put out the fire. Mediation is a safe space which can be used to address and discuss concerns without blaming any party. Mediation helps parties to gauge their situation and concerns that they may have with each other. It can be used as a way to avoid any dispute and get ahead of the situation. If there are any concerns or any problems, it can be addressed and solved. The aim of the mediation in this situation is to address the needs of the parties. The pandemic has created unusual circumstances for everybody. Mediation can be used by employees to address concerns with their employer, colleagues to address issues, partners to bring up any concerns, etc. The communication can be facilitated by the mediator to ensure that there are no kinks in the smooth transformation of the work process. These tough times have enabled.
   
   
3. Estate Planning – People often spend a lot of money in engaging advisors for estate planning. Family relations are strained; blame game is witnessed by counsellors, litigation is stretched out for years, hatred is passed over generations and years later it ends but the question remains, was it all worth it? An issue common to all these cases is miscommunication or lack of communication all together. Mediation helps in solving this issue. With the involvement of multiple advisors and even attorneys, family members do not have a chance of talking about their positions and interests. The topics in such discussions are also strained because of the sensitivity of the issues involved i.e. death and money. Mediators can be cognizant to the emotions more than lawyers as they stand in a neutral position and they are not working for the interests of one of the parties. They can assist the beneficiaries and allow all the interests and positions to be laid out on the table. This can lead to mutual agreement and overall satisfaction without the matter being dragged on for years. The collaborative nature of the process ensures that there is no harm done to any stakeholder’s interests while preserving their relationship. The mediation process can ensure that the agreement concluded at the end of the proceeding is acceptable by all the concerned parties and this reduces the risk of malpractice claims against advisors and lawyers.
   
   
4. Co-parenting – When parents are involved in a divorce, custody battles are common in these cases. This makes the relationship of the child and the parent bitter and often ends it completely. It is like a child divorcing one of the parents. However, to ensure that the child has both of the parents by his side more and more (ex) couples are now opting for co-parenting. To avoid conflicts and custody battles, parents opt for mediation. Mediation helps the parents divide the responsibilities, plan the finances, take care of the good environment needed for child rearing, etc. Co-parenting is a life-long relationship. The broken relationship of the parents also affects the child’s belief system. The child can lose faith in relationships, establish trust issues, and lose sense of family and companionship, when the child witnesses quarrelling parents. Co-parenting with the help of mediator can help establish a working relationship between the parents so as to ensure that the child’s mental health is not hampered due to their conflict. Planning and discussing the details of the life of the child will ensure that the child has the love of both the parents and none of them have to abandon the child because they could not work it out with the other parent. Even though there is no conflict about the children yet, mediation helps to avoid future conflicts in a divorce. It prevents the conflict of the parents to be projected on the children. The end goal of every parent is a good upbringing for their child and this can be achieved with the help of mediation.
   
   
5. Customer Loyalty – An effective grievance redressal mechanism that has a speedy process can help build consumer loyalty. If the customer has any issues and the same is handled on the spot or with 24 to 48 hours, it gives the customer the sense of importance. It indicates that the organization cares about the customer and their needs and issues. Even though mediation is used when there is some kind of concerns, this process consequently helps in building loyalty. The customer knows that their issue will be taken into consideration, resolved and they would be compensated for the inconvenience caused as per the situation. Mediation gave them a sense of importance, increased their satisfaction from the service and ensured that they do not choose the many alternatives available in the market.
   
   
6. Changes in modus operandi – If there are changes in the mode of working of any organization, it will inevitably lead to some issues. The new mode would require some learning, on-boarding, training, etc. This kind of transitions lead to issues and conflicts as dealing with every personnel and the new mode of working has different effects. With the working mode changing to online systems and work from home scenarios, there are several changes that a business organization needs to make. So even though there is no pre-existing dispute, a mediator can be engaged to mitigate these activities and discussions.  Every person will face an issue with changes around them; mediation can help mitigate these problems and prevents them from transforming into a conflict against the management. Mediators act as neutrals who convey the issues of the system from the side of the employee and the need of the new system from the side of the management of the company. These interest positions are aligned and solutions to help them are devised. More often than not different divisions in a company work together, prior to the pandemic they were set in a decided pattern but the pandemic necessitated to alter such patterns. Teams need to adapt to the new world and make new patterns to co-ordinate; employers can use mediators to bring together the teams.
   
   
7. Wellbeing of the employee - In the pandemic, a working man has been affected the most. They are crunched with problems from work and their households. To ensure that the workflow is maintained and the well being of the employee is kept in mind, employers engage mediators to help the employees and themselves. The employee is as important to the company as the company is to the employee. One cannot function without the other. Any issue that the employee is facing would directly affect the work that they are doing in the organization. Hence, the problems of the employee are the problems of the business organization.
   
   
8. Strategize – Mediators have often been brought in by companies to act as liaison between the management and the employees. Strategy moving forward is a matter of concern. When the management needs to introduced new changes in the working set up and/or when they need to set in a different strategy that has an effect on their employees; mediators have been brought in to facilitate such a conversation. The underlying interests and the positions of both the sides are brought to the table and a mutually agreeable step is taken. The business can only function if the employee works in consonance with the strategy and a strategy can only bear fruit if the right amount of work and dedication is put toward it.
   
   
9. Brainstorming Space - More often than not different divisions in a company work together on a single project. A space of brainstorming ideas, exploring possibilities and arriving at decisions is easy when mediation is involved. It is beneficial especially where there are several people working together as a team or various teams/groups working together. Mediation can bring out a safe space for different stakeholders and enable quality discussions. Emotions often run high as individuals are passionate about their work and their projects; mediation can help accommodate them without such discussions leading to conflict. It can help create a space where people can agree to disagree and mutually acceptable conclusions can be found which ensures that several individuals can work together.
   
   
10. M&A Transactions – When a merger or acquisition transactions takes place, there are several details that need to be finalized. There are several moving parts in the organizations that are merged or acquired and the finer details need to be hashed out so that a smooth transition can take place without a huge cost. The deal is carved out so the parties involved can achieve their goals; they would have certain expectations from the deal and would expect those to be met. However, in the finer details there can be several disagreements, to ensure that these do not escalate to a dispute and hamper the transition and/or the deal, mediation can be used. The parties involved can come to the table to finalize the gazillion details involved in the deal and ensure as smooth a transition as it can be. Concerns of shareholders, creditors and other stakeholders can also be addressed through mediation.

​Mediation is a voluntary, non-binding, informal process that helps the concerned parties to come to a table and talk about their concerns or conduct any negotiations that they need to. As effective as mediation is in resolving the disputes by deliberating upon the interests and positions of the parties, but it can also prove to be an effective tool when introducing new changes, strategizing, planning, etc. If we need to align interests of different people who are working together or need to collaborate, then mediation can help them find a common ground from the very start instead of waiting for a conflict and then resolving it. Mediation can also be a fast and economic way to ensure that costly conflicts and/or litigation don’t take place. The conflict does not only cost in terms of resolution but also causes lose in terms of the work and emotional costs are another concern. Mediation process will be able to help create a safe and friendly environment thereby reducing the mental stress that a person might go through in case of a conflict. 

Michael Lodge, NCPM, Nationally Certified Professional Mediator
​www.lodge-co.com

I found this article on family mediation and it is a good overview of the issues in the mediation and the process.  In the past few months I have seen a lot more family mediation sessions come my way, thus I am always trying to study the process and look for ways to improve it for families.  Family mediation is a sticky wicket sometimes and you have to understand the process in order to get results.  I found the following article very good and a good through process in presenting the family mediation issues.
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 Mediation - speak freely, listen, understand, then problem solve
Anthony Gold - United Kingdom January 19 2021

As ​#familymediationweek draws to a close, David Emmerson discusses mediation in more depth and looks at some of its advantages for families. Mediation can be a transcendental experience, especially with one of Anthony Gold’s 5 family mediators.

Family Mediation Family mediation is a voluntary confidential form of alternative dispute resolution. A mediator is a neutral and impartial third party who helps the separating couple reach a negotiated solution to their family problems such as the arrangements for children, finances, property, pensions and capital. It works because the mediator and the process itself encourages people to have a voice and speak freely. The mediator will also ensure that you listen to what the other person is saying, sometimes in a way you have not done before, so that you at least understand what their issues are. You do not necessarily have to agree with what the other is saying, but if you did then that would help, but it certainly helps to understand and that leads to effective problem solving.

Information is gathered and verified so that each person’s financial position is clear. Once this has happened, it is the role of the mediator to help fix an agenda of the issues to solve so that a fair and workable outcome is achieved.

Mediation has the advantage of being able to deal with issues relating to the children at the same time as dealing with the finances. In the court process, two separate applications would have to be made as the children and finances are never dealt with together in the court process which is often a considerable disadvantage, as well as very expensive and time consuming. Solving issues relating to the children are often connected to finance solutions too.

Mediation During Covid-19
Like everyone we are adapting our services to meet the problems caused by the pandemic and the good news is that mediation, in all its forms, is ideally suited to conducting sessions by Zoom, Teams or WebEx. Almost all of our work presently is online.
With online mediation it is possible to have all parties talking and seeing with each other at the same time but also to arrange for secure and confidential breakout rooms where the mediator can talk privately with each person in turn. Shuttle mediation works very effectively online because the mediator will deal just with one person at a time and therefore any past conflict that there might have been which can affect the confidence of the parties being on the same screen as each other can be alleviated very successfully.
Utilising online facilities means that documents can be shared and exchanged on screen to make the mediation as effective as face-to-face roundtable sessions.

Types of mediation
The most common form of mediation is where both are with one mediator sitting in a comfortable room where separating couples are free to discuss matters in a relaxed atmosphere. In some cases, co-mediation, where there are two mediators, can be beneficial because that can help in a case where there are complex dynamics. However, this naturally is more expensive. Shuttle mediation
This can be used where there are particular anxieties by one person with regards to safety or coercive and controlling behaviour. Here, both are in separate rooms and the mediator works between each room facilitating discussion. Such mediation frequently takes place on line and where each party spends time separately with the mediator.

Hybrid mediation
Hybrid mediation is conducted by lawyers who have been trained either by Resolution in the hybrid model or with the civil mediation model. Hybrid mediation is often used in complex family cases where there are significant differences between parents with regard to their children and child arrangements or in financial remedy cases where the use of other professionals such as accountants, independent financial advisors and divorce planners can be utilised very effectively. Hybrid mediation also enables the separating couple to have their lawyers with them for key stages of the discussions and the negotiations which can give necessary support, confidence and guidance in progressing proposals towards a resolution. All the delays that there are in the court process and the very high costs associated with taking challenging and complex finance and children cases through the courts, hybrid mediation offers an ideal solution to resolving disputes and utilising the talent and experience of experts.


Role of the mediator and the lawyer
The mediator can be , and often are, trained family lawyers but mediators cannot give specific tailored legal advice in mediation. They are able to provide key information about what the law is. Therefore, it is very important for each party to have the benefit of independent legal advice from someone like a Resolution accredited specialist, https://resolution.org.uk/find-a-law-professional/. Here, the specialist will listen and understand all of the background to the children and financial issues. The lawyer will then explain both what the law is, but also importantly how it applies to the individual person’s particular case, so each person is in a strong position to know how to negotiate in the mediation process. It is also helpful to keep in touch with the lawyer as the mediation process develops. Whereas family case law and statutes can be found easily on the web, the internet cannot tell you how the law applies to your circumstances. A good experienced lawyer can tell you when you can let go a position or demand or whether your case is strong enough to stick with something.

Safeguarding
The mediator would not approve a case as being suitable for mediation where there are relevant safeguarding and domestic abuse issues. Mediation is voluntary, and you cannot be compelled to engage in mediation. Mediators are trained to deal with an imbalance in bargaining power or indeed bargaining skills. Shuttle or hybrid mediation are extremely good methods of enabling mediation to work effectively in appropriate cases where there has been past domestic abuse.

Costs
The costs of mediation, even if you use a solicitor to support and assist you throughout, is very significantly less than the costs of a contested court process. The length of the mediation process varies but the number of sessions really depends on how the negotiations develop and also how complex the issues are. It is not uncommon for matters involving children and finances to be resolved in two to four sessions, which might be spread over a two to three-month period. This compares very favorably with a fully contested court process, which can often take 12-18 months.

Children
Naturally, both parents will say the children are the most important factor. In a court of law, the welfare of the children will be both paramount consideration in children cases and the first consideration in a finance case. However, parents can often have differing views as to what is best for their children and what arrangements should be put in place for the children to spend time with each parent. In mediation, it is important that the views of each individual child are taken into account. This can be done in a number of ways and one of them is for a mediator, who is specifically trained in children issues, to speak with the children individually on a confidential basis and the children’s views fed back into the main mediation. In many cases, this is not necessary but in certain cases it can be vitally important, particularly with children of a particular age and viewpoint. This does not mean that the children themselves are making decisions, but simply that their views, uncomplicated by the pressures of speaking with either parent, are known and taken into account.

In child arrangements, it may well be in difficult and complicated cases that interim arrangements need to be put in place and tested and then reviewed so a mediation process can be staggered, so there is a review after three or four months with a further session.

Using experts
Another advantage of mediation is that both can agree to bring in the expertise of a specialist to help resolve issues. See hybrid mediation above. This might be instructing a valuer to value a company, business, or properties. It could be bringing in a pensions expert to work out what the best way for both is to reschedule pension investments. It may well be bringing in an independent financial adviser who can help each person in a neutral way of fixing budgets which can be far cheaper than contested court maintenance proceedings. Other experts can include divorce coaches and therapists where one or both are finding the emotional side of separation particularly challenging.

Mediation is a very flexible process and the use of such experts, although adding to the costs, can be extremely beneficial. It is not necessary to use experts in every case.

Potential problems with mediation
If each person has not fully and frankly disclosed all information and documentation relating to the finances, then the mediation cannot proceed, but the mediator will make every effort to ensure that full disclosure is made as the alternative is invariably the other person issuing court proceedings where the disclosure is ordered by the court.

Mediation sessions at times can be intense, challenging and even upsetting, not least because these issues are invariably very important to both. However, the mediator will ensure that the sessions never get out of hand and that time is allowed for each to “recompose”. However, the tension that can be caused in a mediation is nothing compared with the pressure and anxiety that a contested court case can bring with the prospect of giving evidence, being cross-examined and someone else [a judge] making a decision about your children and your finances.
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Outcomes
Both research hand statistical information shows that most mediations resolve issues successfully and that the vast majority of participants are happy with the outcomes and the process.

I have been in business since 1984 and in those many years, which ages me, I have owed several businesses at the same time.  And looking back at how I handled the stress I have applied during this pandemic of a virus.  So, what I am about to write and share with you is based on my own experience.  The mental stress that we all have gone through has been heavy on our shoulders, not knowing what will happen, being under lockdown and shutting down businesses that created a panic and is creating even greater mental stress.  

Being on the brink of losing everything that one has built is a cause created by government, not the virus.  Mismanagement of states and local governments has created a situation where they are forcing businesses to close, with no help from the government to allow them to survive.  The mental stress is huge for small business owners.

But the question is how are we dealing with it?

At one point in time I was handling several businesses at the same time.  I had a large tax and business consulting practice in Los Angeles, a nursing review school in the Philippines, and a healthcare staffing firm in Los Angeles.  To be honest I was juggling too many things at one time and I had to find a way to call my mind.  So, what did I do?

First, I found someone I could talk to.  My business partner at the time was busy with his clients, he was not available to talk to.  So, I found a person who had been in business for way longer than me to talk to.  He had been through it all before.  I would talk with him about once a week for about an hour and I was given the experience and time of a person who had gone through everything I was going through.  During this pandemic find a person you can talk to.  It is vital for you to be able to talk with an individual, get things off your chest. Get some fresh ideas.  We are social creatures, and we need that time with other humans to talk.  Find a mentor, advisor, priest, member of the clergy, a friend, a business owner you can talk to.  But find a voice so you can have a voice during a tough time.

Second, I decided to get up and do something different.  Travel at that time was an outlet, mini vacations of one or two days just to put the phone down and get in the car and go.  You would be surprised that my drives from Los Angeles to San Francisco up the coastline on the 101 was the best therapy ever.  In the lockdown period we experienced I could not use the mini vacation therapy, so I decided to do something different.  I learned how to cook and bake.  I studied every single YouTube video I could watch on how to cook.  That one hour a day that I spent in the kitchen turned off the news, the work, the stress, and I cooked.  I found an outlet and it worked.  I had the best lockdown ever and I handled the unknowns by focusing on what I needed to do and took the time off to get a breath of fresh stimulus (food and bread).  

Third, I got involved in groups.  You would be surprised at how many groups are out there on the world wide web taking on various issues in business.  I found groups that were doing things in podcasting, writing, using social media for business.  I heard their stories and we talked about various things to continue the focus on new things for our businesses.  During the lockdown I wrote two books and got them on Amazon.  I began working on my podcasts and its distribution.

Fourth, the most rewarding thing that I did during the pandemic and lockdowns worldwide was to talk to those hurting and confused.  I found out that many overseas foreign workers that were working in Dubai were in real trouble.  They needed someone to talk to.  Nurses and healthcare staff were working in medical facilities that provided housing for them; however, they did not think how that affected the health safety of the staff all living together.  They were coming into contact with patients that had tested positive for Corvid, but no one told the staff.  Then the staff who had just worked with the infected staff would go home to their housing unit, an apartment with about four people in it, and would bring the infection into the apartment.  This created a panic because they did not know which one of their housemates had been exposed.  I worked with the healthcare staff and came up with a housing protocol that started outside the door of the apartment and into the apartment so that it would limit the contamination.  I took their phone calls at night, heard their fears.  Many had lost their salaries; they were working full time, but their pay was cut in half.  Yet they were being exposed on a daily basis, so their fears and frustrations were running high.  Several days I offered a service where they could zoom into me and we would talk for 30 minutes.  They were provided an outlet to let all their stress and frustrations out.

So these four things I did reduced my stress because I kept myself busy doing new things in life that I had never done before.  The same practice I had used when running so many businesses, learning new things, talking to professionals in business, joining different groups, and trying to outlets, reduced my stress in my business history and worked during this pandemic.  The busier I made myself the more involved I became; my business stress was reduced.  The business stress was there but I looked at it with a fresh mind and approach.

Everyone in business has to go through a crisis at some point in their business lives.  Why?  Because it tells us how well you will do in handling a business  Now some of you have lost your businesses, but you can rebuild.  Don't ever give up on your business ideas, keep going.  You learned from the crisis and now you know what you have to do to survive the next one, and there will be a next one.  I have been through a business crisis where I thought it would never end.  Just remember, a crisis is just and event and all events end.

I hope that this helps some of you still dealing with the business stress.  It worked for me, but we are all different.  But the most important aspect is to find an outlet to talk to other people.  Just that one simple act can get you through anything.  As I have said before, we are these humans that need other humans.  Let me know if you have any questions, you can text me at my office at 818.252.5682 

Mental health is a growing issues in small businesses, but it can be managed by everyone working together.  If you need to talk - let me know.
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​Let us start 2021 with a new mental picture of what we can do to do great things in our business and personal lives.  Happy New Year!