Part 2 - Boundaries
So now we set some boundaries on your communication habits that you must redo to communicate better. We know the old rule, it hard to teach old dogs new tricks, or you cannot make people change their established patterns of opinion and behavior when they communicate. However, you can set boundaries that both sides must live to. Yep, you are small children being re-taught to communicate.
So here is the truth, you only have control over you. No one else, just you. You have no control over the other people. For you to have any type of expectation that you can control anything else is just inappropriate and let's face it, it doesn't work. This process begins with only you.
More truth, no matter how right you may think you are about something, the only person you can control is you. The only thing you can control is the example you set. Get the point? It’s all about you.
Now listen to this. If you and your kids' other parent already agree on the most important things - healthcare, education, discipline, and spiritual stuff, you won't have as many urges to want to control your ex's behavior and decisions. Focus in on the most important things that affect your kids. No need to go into what happened in the past, what someone said, what someone did, it is about the down and the current issue. Nothing else. Address the issue of the day that affects the child and work it through. Nothing else matters in your mixed-up mind, focus on what needs to be accomplished for that child and to have the other parent listening and understanding the need. If you dare to bring anything else into the needs list of what you need to be focusing on it - your will be the developer of conflict, yes you, the one who wants to write a book of a text to the other side. When the other side gets your text, they don't want to deal with it. The issues that needed to be addressed never gets addressed because now the book you wrote failed as a best seller.
Focus on the important things and don't screw it up with anything else. Want good communication and resolving issues, keep it short and to the point.
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Michael Lodge is a Nationally Certified Professional Mediator specializing in business disputes, as well as family conflicts. He has written three books and hosts an international podcast on IHeartRadio and other podcast media stations.